© 2017 Bill Murphy
I’ve decided that time no long marches on. Today it runs. I’ve also decided that time doesn’t always make forward progress.
Consider the evolution of the English language, and what’s happened to correct grammar!
When did said change to goes, and to went?
When did the salt-like sprinkling of the word like become necessary, and acceptable? When did the maddening habit begin of inserting, as if a comma, you know between every breath when speaking? And when did teenage speech become the standard we’re to follow?
Perhaps we should be saying that time marches backwards!
8 years ago, while working in a middle school, I wrote the following piece. Spoken English has not progressed much since then!
LIKE by Inez Huddleston, September 9, 2009 (This can be read as if spoken.)
This is like, my paper on like. Yesterday my teachers goes, “Write a paper on LIKE,” so this is, you know, like it. When I got home yesterday, I went, “Momma, would you like, you know, help me write, you know, this paper?” But she goes, “No. I’ve gotta go like, you know, grocery shopping. Then she like goes, “You’d like better like, have it like done when I, you know, get home.”
Before I could begin – my brother like, you know, comes in and went, “I’m like going next door to see the girl I, you know, like, like.” And I go, “No, you can’t go.” And he went, “Yes I can like go!” And I, you know, go, “No you like can’t go.” And we kept going on about his going for like, you know, an hour. (He like really likes her!)
Then, Momma like calls and she went, “I’m like, you know, going to the gym.” And I like went, “Don’t go.” But she like goes, “I am going.” And she like goes. I like didn’t, you know, like that. I like don’t know what to, like, you know, what to write about like. So I like started anyway, writing about, you know, things I like.
I wrote about things like bologna, french fries, and, you know, Mountain Dew and stuff like that. I, you know, like really like things like the likes of, you know, them. So here, you know, it goes. Things I like, like: Clifton, Bologna, Bob, Texting, Johnny, Music, Scotty, Movies, Thomas, Lunch, Trey, Days we don’t, like, you know, have homework , and Arthur.
I like hope you like, like what I, you know, wrote about like.